


Alone

by loudfoule



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Missing Scene, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27885784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loudfoule/pseuds/loudfoule
Summary: Matt's worst nightmare has always been being alone. But what if the one to leave him now is the person he trusted the most?
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas & Mello | Mihael Keehl, Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Alone

Matt woke up screaming. He sat straight up, gasping for air. His body was tangled in sheets and drenched in sweat, even though it was almost winter. He looked around in panic and realized he was in his room at Wammy’s. It was just another nightmare in which he was alone and everyone had abandoned him. Same old shit. He sighed and moved himself to sit on the edge of the bed, taking his head in his hands. He tried to breathe deeply, but nothing was bringing him comfort. Sure, he always felt terrible after a nightmare, but right now he had a feeling in his guts that was eating him alive.

After a few minutes, he decided to go to Mello’s room. When they were kids, they always went to each other after a nightmare. The death of his parents used to haunt Mello’s dreams as a child. He often woke up in the middle of the night screaming desperately, the murder was still too painfully fresh in his mind. And Matt was always there to welcome him in his bed, to hug him tightly, and to cuddle him to sleep while whispering softly.

When he reached Mello’s room, he hesitated. He couldn't stop shaking. That weird feeling was even stronger now, paralyzing him.

He thought he was used to feeling lonely: not even his own father wanted him, and his mother abandoned him without a second thought. But he wasn’t alone. He always had Mello.

Yes, Mello was always there for him. And always will be, just like the blond promised him.

He opened the door, but the room was empty. No books on the desk, no chocolate wrappers in or near the bin, no bible on the nightstand.

But above all, no Mello.

He frantically looked around, hoping to find an explanation. Part of him believed he was still trapped in his dream when he spotted a dark figure outside, contrasting with the white of the snow. He opened the window, trying to get a clearer view, but the darkness of the night wasn’t helping him at all. But when the figure reached the gates it turned around a little, casting a look at the orphanage for the last time. Its face was now lightened by the gates’ lamp. Matt couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Mello!!”

He rushed down the stairs, not even caring that he was barefoot nor that everyone in the building was sleeping. When he finally reached the gates, Mello was far away.

“Mello, wait!”

No answer.

“C’mon Mels! Come back!”

Nothing.

“I know we argued last night and you’re angry! I was an asshole, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

His throat was aching and he was shaking, but not because of the cold.

“Mello, I beg you, look at me!”

His words were like a religious litany falling on an atheist’s ears.

“Please, Mello, I’m sorry! Forgive me!”

He shook the gates, screaming at the top of his lungs. His body gave up and he collapsed on his knees. But the blonde kept on walking.

“Mello, don’t leave me!”

He was choking on tears.

And so was Mello.

He knew being left alone was Matt’s worst fear. He hated hurting him. God, even hearing his desperate pleading was shattering his heart to pieces. But he couldn’t allow Matt to come with him. It was too dangerous. Hell, he didn’t even know if he himself would make it against the world on his own, but he didn’t really have a choice. He had to leave. He had to avenge L. He had to show everyone that _he_ was his rightful successor, and not that big-headed twit Near. But Matt did have a choice. He didn’t have to risk his own life for something he never cared about. And besides, he could never bear the thought of something bad happening to Matt, let alone because of him. Here, he was safe, and that’s what mattered. That’s why he kept on walking. Inwardly, he thanked the darkness that helped him partly conceal his emotions. He shut his eyes, letting the tears fall down freely, and forced himself not to look back because he just wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye to the one person he ever cared about.

“Matt, I’m sorry…”


End file.
